Tokyo Damage Report

Fake David Graeber Post

Free-market, private enterprise, private sector efficiency:


I bring an envelope to UPS, address all filled out.
Ask for express.
The guy makes me fill out a form in pen, with the exact same info as on the envelope.
He then looks at the paper form, types that into his computer.
The computer prints out a FOURTH copy of the same information.
He then takes my envelope, puts it in a second envelope.
He puts the printed label on the second envelope, and off we go!

More free-market, private enterprise, private sector FUCKING efficiency:


Get email from state farm. Subject line: we updated your estimate.
I Click it expecting a one line message, such as, ‘it’s xxx dollars.’
Instead, the email is just total gobbledeygook. Weird letter and number combinations that somehow designate the ‘handling team’, with no mention of what that is or why I should care. Dates, times, places, everything BUT the estimate.  At the bottom, the only thing that makes sense, says basically to check their website.
Check website.
Asks me to log in.
Log into what?!? I never made an account.  They expect me to make up a user name and password and authentication questions and probably a pin number and secret decoder rings, and shit. Why not just email me the fucking price?
Is this a conscious strategy to cause people to drop their claims from fatigue? Like did they pay some asshole to run the numbers thusly:


(amount of purposefully meaningless bureaucracy)


(money saved from people giving up)


(number of customers switching companies)


. . . and then decided based on the results to implement a Comprehensive Bullshit Emissions Program?






Good Old Fashioned Government Efficiency:

Get a Hotmail from Covered Cali.
Open it.
Instead of actually having informaion, it just says ‘log into Covered Cali to check your Obamacare-mail.’
This is because Covered Cali refuses to send me regular email, ‘for your privacy’ (which is funny because ANOTHER part of the same government IS reading ALL my emails). But they CAN send me a hotmail letting me know that I have a covered-cali email. What kind of Calvin-ball shit is that?!?
Log into covered cali.
Click at least 4 pages to finally get to my email account.
The email just says, “you got an email from us.”
*Osbourne Cox voice* what the FUCK?!?
The only other thing in the email is a link reading, ‘Click HERE to download pdf”’
Download the PDF.
It’s 4 pages of dense boilerplate, the same as every OTHER email they send me, but I have to read the whole thing looking for the one percent that is different than all the other emails. When I finally find the changed part, it basically says, “We have decided not to disqualify your wife after all.”
It doesn’t say, “Sorry we lost the scan of your wife’s green card you fucking sent us over a year ago, and then threatened you for noncompliance, and made you wait forever to talk to someone on the phone to prove you DID send it, oops, our bad.”

So all that, just to get told that nothing is changing.


And I consider myself lucky that I did not have to wait in lines.

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